When I walked into the bookshop, I was welcomed by the sight of the following words: “What Happened To You?” I was deeply moved as these words resonated with me. Moreover, these words made me curious and eager to discover what happened to me.

The first thought that came to my mind with those powerful words was grounded in the past seven years of my life as a cancer patient. And although I knew I had had a challenging upbringing before those seven years, I didn’t think any of it would account for any of the personal challenges in my present life. But it did. This book dug out deeply rooted and unresolved traumas I never thought existed.

From as early as I could make sense of my world – the surroundings and background, I was already asking questions ranging from why don’t I have a father (or at least a “father-figure”) like most of my peers did; to why did I have to walk 5km barefoot, passing through the most dangerous isolated forests and crossing rivers to and from school. At the same time, everyone else went to school with their parents in a car while others used buses. And, of course, I knew the answers to all those questions. My father had passed away right after I was born – leaving my unemployed mom to fend for seven children by herself. We were amongst the poorest of the poorest in our community. But as you can imagine, a six/seven-year-old child’s mind couldn’t comprehend all of the chaotic experiences and make sense of it all at such a petite age. Nevertheless, it was all I knew, and it somehow felt normal.

Now, if you are like me, you probably think or might have already guessed that the word trauma is a synonym for horror-related experiences. Before I read this book, I associated trauma with adults who have once served in combat or individuals who have witnessed someone die in a tragic event like a murder, a fire, an accident, and so forth. However, reading the book “What Happened To You” has truly broadened my perspective and understanding of trauma and healing. And beyond that, this book has helped me understand myself on a profoundly intimate personal level.

While incorporating real-life stories of people (including children) who have suffered from trauma, Oprah Winfrey and Dr Perry, a trained neuroscientist and a psychiatrist, explain how the brain plays a big role in trauma-related behaviours. Not only that, but since it is the brain that helps us think and make decisions, Dr Perry also details the importance of brain development in the early years of a child’s life and how the first five to seven years of a child’s life is vital for creating the outcomes of his/her life and beyond. The conversations in the book basically challenge us to shift from focusing on “what’s wrong with you?” to asking “what happened to you?” (This was a brilliant way of redirecting the narrative).

I would highly recommend this book to every adult irrespective of age, race, gender, ethnicity, religion, profession… etc. If you are planning to have children, or you already have young children, or you are a teacher, a police officer, healthcare worker, this book is for you! I would also recommend this book for any of you who have experienced traumatic events, or if you had a troubling childhood, or you are unable to understand your children’s behaviours.

The post Book Review: “What Happened to you” by Oprah Winfrey & Dr Perry appeared first on Sheevolves.world.

Traumatic stress reveals itself in different ways. You do not have to experience a traumatic event first hand to suffer from it. A traumatic experience can take us on a roller coaster ride of emotions. It can be enough to witness a traumatic event such as a violent crime, a natural disaster or a horrible accident. Repeated exposure to traumatic events reported on television and on social media such as terrorist attacks, famines, wars, tragedies that happen to innocent people can also trigger traumatic stress. It can leave us feeling anxious, fearful, helpless and with little hope for the future.

With time the intensity of such feelings can settle and one is able to regain a sense of inner calm and strength. There are ways we can help ourselves with this process. There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to deal with trauma. Finding someone to talk to who you can trust to discuss your feelings can help you to slowly let go. It is a process and will most likely not go away over-night. In the beginning, it may feel too difficult because the feelings of intense pain and hurt and confusion make it hard to put one’s feelings into words. However, allowing your self to feel and not ignore the emotions that come up actually helps to reduce the intensity of a traumatic experience and allows the process of healing to take place.

Signs and symptoms of traumatic stress are very normal and may vary. These can occur after experiencing a traumatic event, or having witnessed one . These can include feeling scared, anxious, sad and fearful of what the future holds or even disconnected from the world around you and numb. Helpguide.org gives a list of possible reactions after a traumatic event.

Shock: one is unable to emotionally digest what has actually occurred. A sense of utter disbelief

Fear: of one’s safety, of the future, the uncertainty of life and that it may happen again

Sadness: For what you feel you have lost and also that life will never be the same.

Helpless: Feeling you are unable to change the situation; that it is stronger and more powerful than you.

Guilt: that had you reacted differently the event may not have occurred or that you may have survived a tragedy and others didn’t.

Anger: towards those who you feel are responsible. It may be towards God who you feel has caused such suffering.

Shame: that what happened to you is culturally or socially shameful. You may feel that had you behaved differently it would not have happened.

Relief: feeling that you have experienced the worst and there is a future ahead.

These emotional reactions to trauma mostly come hand in hand with physical reactions which can make the situation feel even more alarming. Knowing what is normal to experience can take away some of the fear of what one is going through;

Trembling and shaking

Heart beating very fast

Difficulty catching one’s breath

Lump in the throat as if one is choked up

Feeling Sweaty or chills – can be both

Needing to fidget continuously and distract one self physically

Stomach tightening or churning.

Dizziness and feeling faint and drained of all energy

Feelings of being physically numb

Racing thoughts – unable to fix on one thought

Needing to hold one self.

Whilst these symptoms are normal directly after experiencing a traumatic event they normally subside over days or possibly weeks. However, if the nervous system is overwhelmed by a traumatic event and unable to process the emotions it can get ’stuck’ and this can lead to post traumatic stress syndrome, which is when seeking professional help is in order. Even if you are not sure you are traumatized having a support system of some sort can be beneficial for future traumas and dealing with deeply embedded trauma.

The post What is traumatic stress & are there ways to overcome it? appeared first on Sheevolves.world.