Love I Can’t Let Go
Five months later
I find myself still stuck with you,
Even though it’s directly the opposite for you.
I silently desire nothing but you.
I silently find myself seeing only you.
But somehow it feels wrong.
A part of me wants to let go
But another part of me pulls me back
In your arms and honestly it’s not even funny
Anymore.

I want to love again
But each time Him be like, “girl let’s take
A ride in this road of love”
My lips be like, “sure” while my heart and soul
Only desire and see You.
My soul is broken.
My heart only calling out your name
Even though you’re long gone.
Honestly I don’t think I still have a soul nor heart.

You took charge of them the day I said yes.
And now that haunt me even when you gone.
Gone and alive I mean.
Maybe that’s the reason I can’t let go
Maybe knowing that you out there
Gives me nothing but false hope.
Someday be like,
“Today he’s surely gonna call” and another
Be like, “he’s gone”
And these voices in my head overwhelms me.
Maybe because you’re the only one
That made me feel butterflies.

Maybe you’re the only one that made me feel safe
And different.
And now I only see you different.
I only see you worth loving.
I can’t seem to bring myself to understand why.
You’re gone and I have to let go but how?
You made me human
And somehow I feel like I owe you my life.
I try to find you in every guy that says hello.

I try to find you even in my dreams.
I try to find you in every breathing thing.
Yet still, I can’t find you.
You’re gone and am still stuck with you.
My heart shutters when I think of you.
Not because you broke me.
But because of the wonderful memories
I threw away.
That’s why my lips always form a bright smile
Every time you cross my mind.
I love you B.

But sometimes love is not enough.
It’s funny how well I’m aware of that yet I still
Can’t let go. The love is unique. The love is different.
So how do I let go really?
Please come back to me.
This is my heart speaking.
My soul begging
And my knees humbling going down.
Please let’s ride along this road together
One last time.
With love.

@DPD

The post Love I Can’t Let Go~ By Sethabile khoza appeared first on Sheevolves.world.

Growing up on a farm 30 kilometers away from the nearest village, I began working every December at a vegetable shop located diagonally across from the bank starting at the age of 15. This experience eventually led to a job interview and an offer to join the bank when I was 18. I still clearly remember standing by the gates of Natal University among a massive crowd, explaining my choice to enter banking instead of pursuing a career in law. My father’s powerful words still resonate deeply with me: “If you did law you would do the law of the land but go to the bank and do justice, justice you can do anywhere.”

This dedication to community is why I go by the name Aunty B. To me, an “Aunty” is someone who anchors and supports their family or community. It is a title young people use for me, and it is how I want to be recognized across the continent. Although my given name is Barbara, the “B” represents being completely borderless—which is what it truly signifies for me.

When I was 20, I took a gap year to au-pair in London and backpack from Tel Aviv to a farm near Eilat, alongside other travels through Europe. Upon returning home, my career shifted, and I soon became the head of foreign exchange. It was in this role that I met my husband, an environmental scientist specializing in waste management—a field quite rare at the time. Our dating years were filled with me studying environmental science terminology in order to translate it for those around us. Later, at age 31, I became a bank manager.. Back then, he constantly brought up carbon credits, reeds, and dolomite. I often brushed it off, telling him I had balancing tellers to worry about rather than the environment. But one day, while we were driving to work, he gently took my hand at a red light and told me, “Babe, there will be NO bank if there’s NO environment.” That profound moment altered my life forever, and it remains the exact quote I use to open every talk and training session today .Later I would work with him for 5 years managing a landfill and later training integrated waste management to youth and communities. A journey to my current position training boards in both Corporate Governance and Ethics and ESG.

After ’94, I transitioned into the role of bank manager, constantly mindful that my grandmother, a Zulu woman, would never have been afforded the opportunity to stand in that office. Feeling a deep responsibility to honor that lineage, I made a personal pledge upon accepting the position: I would define my success by sharing a cup of coffee in my office every week with a Black woman, simply to acknowledge her. This commitment allowed me to engage meaningfully with women, offering them a dedicated space where they were included in the economy and supported in navigating their real-world challenges.

I entered spaces simply believing I belonged there. However, the boardrooms back then were lonely places—hardly anyone looked like me, and no one was in my age group. This isolation, combined with the massive pay gap between myself and my male colleagues, is what drove me into understanding equity . I had to master the mechanics of equity and shareholding, recognizing that these assets were entirely absent from the balance sheets of Black people at the time, as equity allocations were almost exclusively held by a white male majority.”

There’s a burden of obligation, a burden of representation, a burden of being the only one in the room. I have carried that burden — because I know how brilliant so many are, and why are they not in the room? And how can we get others in? I’m always looking for a way to get others in, always asking, who’s missing at the table? All our voices matter— because I can’t be their voice. I’ve just been sensitised to it. I did a shoot not so long ago, for a magazine, and I realised I’d be the only black woman in the magazine, and I thought, that’s a burden I don’t want to carry. I connected with a friend and asked, ‘Can we co-create the entry into this space, so there’s more than myself in there?’ and we did.

My heritage is woven into my very DNA, connecting me directly to my great-grandmother MaNdlovu and grandmother Mkhize through our shared clan songs—an identity that cannot be washed away. Yet, looking back on my journey, I realize that the surnames I carry have made the woman in my story invisible. Between Lawrence, an English name, and Strydom, my husband’s Afrikaans and Dutch surname, or my birth names Barbara and  Dianah, their stories are not visible, almost completely erased and obscured. This has sparked a deep self-determination within me to imagine an Africa where race is invisible or altogether erased. I want to remove the cataract of race from my own eyes, so that it no longer plays a part in how I perceive and profile the people around me.

The year my husband passed away, I undertook a journey from Cape to Cairo, volunteering as a coordinator and co-driver for someone who was differently abled—a journey that became my grief trip. It was on that trip I had defining conversations with God and I felt called to speak  about ownership and equity for stewardship, recognizing that they already hold everything. Receiving this profound calling made me deeply question what this gift is actually for.

“For me, the bottom line is a journey of three steps: remember, reimagine, and re-story, because we cannot truly reimagine the future without first remembering the past. This philosophy fuels my passion for ownership, equity, and stewardship—concepts that enable benefits to pass down from generation to generation. Our culture teaches us that you never eat the seed, a principle that reframes our thinking to eliminate ideas of poverty and lack. When you enter a space holding something of value in your own hands and see your own capabilities, it ignites your potential to step forward.”

“Whenever I secure a seat at the table, I consider it my responsibility to introduce this perspective into spaces where such an understanding doesn’t yet exist. To achieve this, I have spent the last eight years retraining minds around equity and ownership through stewardship labs and Master Dreamer sessions. Having already facilitated over 5,000 sessions during this time, my ultimate aspiration is to impact a million lives.”

“A central piece of this training is the creation of the African Currency Intelligence Model, which functions as a balance sheet tailored for an African person. It prompts us to ask vital questions: Where do our traditions belong on a balance sheet, and what constitutes our goodwill? How do we build our own frameworks when global standards are defined by others? Ultimately, it is about learning how to walk into a room with a full glass so we can accumulate more, ensuring our unique value systems keep us from being excluded from financial networks.”

I offered to sponsor a bench and its initial intention soon shifted and I needed to create the bench to remember invisible women, women who have impacted lives and create change. The eco brick bench was recommended and The Green Net collaboration began. They had already installed four benches and as we were discussing the details I thought, I need a ‘her’ in the eco story so that it becomes an echo. The logo has that beautiful woman’s face crafted in the H to create the echo.

By incorporating eco-bricks to divert waste and adding ‘her’ to bring forth the echo alongside a QR code, I carefully developed the entire concept piece by piece—from the QR code itself to the link and the submission form. Between now and the 9th of August, our target is to collect 70 tribute notes. In the year ahead, this initiative will expand into tree planting, ensuring that every woman honored in these tribute notes has her name dedicated to a tree. This allows nominating families to see a complete, living tree story unfold—a real story rooted in our core philosophy: remember, re-imagine, re-story. It is all right there.

I carry three guiding quotes into every space. The first, written for basketball players, advises us to “be where your feet are”—a reminder to look down and find grounding whenever life becomes turbulent. The other two are about impact,the lesson of the pebble: “If you just throw the pebble into the waters, don’t follow the vibration — trust that it is a vibration.” The third centers on the butterfly: “For as long as we are flapping our wings, where we are, a vibration crosses continents.” 

I am profoundly grateful for this journey, for the posture I am able to hold on this planet, and for everything that has been poured into my identity and being. Yet, I remain deeply mindful that this path comes with a great responsibility—a duty for gifting, shaping, reshaping, remembrance, mentioning, and sustaining a story.

We extend our sincere thanks to with our current collaborators: The African Monarch Group, The Centre for Mental Wellness and Leadership, Sis Pinky, and Nakanyane Seriti Path Coaching and all our sponsors.

To adopt a bench, donate or nominate a woman who shaped your life, visit www.auntybAfrica.co.za

Instagram @barbaralawrencestrydom

Facebook

@barbaralawrencestrydom

The post I Need A Her in The Echo – The Africa I See You Series, By Barbara Lawrence-Strydom (Aunty B) appeared first on Sheevolves.world.

We live in the age of highlights
Smiles are uploaded , struggles are archived
Strength is filtered , pain is cropped

But mental health does not live in captions
It lives in the quiet spaces , between
Expectations and exhaustion , faith and fear
Success and silence

I learned this the hard way
There was a time I thought strength meant endurance without confession
That resilience meant silence . That being okay was a responsibility not a reality
I could motivate others , show up for people , lead , build , create ,
Yet still go home internally empty . functioning but not fine

Mental health struggles rarely arrive with announcements

They arrive disguised as fatigue , irritability , loss of joy ,
Spiritual dryness , disconnection
A constant mental noise you cannot switch off

In many of our communities we are taught to pray but not always to process ,
To believe but not always to speak
To endure but not always to feel ,

Yet healing begins where honesty enters ,
Let us speak
Let us listen
Let us heal , out loud.

By MAKHOSINI S MPOFU

The post The Quiet Battles We Don’t Post About~ By MAKHOSINI S MPOFU appeared first on Sheevolves.world.

I manifested all the great things I yearned for before this year began. The peace, the love, the abundance, the courage, the aura….. Literally anything you may think of when you picture in your mind when it comes to the wishes of the lady in her late 20s. Guess what?. . . Instead of turning the tables, they turned me. The late-night cries exceeded, and sometimes I failed to get some sleep. Appearing joyful while my heart bled within felt like unwavering hypocrisy. Thinking about the beautiful life I craved in comparison to the nightmare I struggle in, broke my hope into tiny pieces that are difficult to fix.

Some days felt so heavy, and moments lasted longer than they should have. I was completely shattered,left in deep thought, like… “Where did I do wrong?!, Am I really a good person?, Why does almost everyone seem to be so disappointing?” I fumbled. As people celebrated the new year season, I was busy fixing and picking up the leftovers from the previous one.

The emotional roller-coaster continued until one day I received shocking news that even my closest friend could not handle with a positive attitude. Some of them cried out of pity, while others were caught in the moment of silence.

I went numb, completely not knowing how to feel at the moment. The series of storms left me overwhelmed, with no strength to carry another burden. As I was stuck, I looked around to see everyone’s reaction, and, in surprise, I was the only one calm and unbothered at the moment. Suddenly, I gained insight into one of the greatest lessons of my life, one I had always heard but had never experienced firsthand, to make it real. That lesson was “We are who we are because of other people’s eyes. Our beliefs and attitudes are shaped by how other people perceive us, not by what we ought to be good for ourselves. The way we dress, behave, communicate, love, feel and express ourselves relies mostly to the expectations of other people and not our own preference”

For the first time, I felt free from other people’s expectations. Being hurt and calm left them no room to judge me for how I feel or how I react. Just because they could also feel the pain, it did not give them the power to weigh me down. Such an emotional regulation moment was everything I had hoped for, and I even remembered all the manifestations I had made before.

I speak with courage and confidence to whoever is reading this by letting you know that “Our brains are wired with extraordinary power. The key to using that power fully lies in understanding that the brain cannot distinguish between reality and imagination — it responds to whatever it is fed.” Always imagine the best from every scenario, expect good news, embrace every moment with gratitude, and see how tables turn around without moving your chair. It is true that you cannot think your way out of a certain feeling, because even heaven cries. You can feel the way you want by changing your thinking, since happiness is a state of mind.

I hope you found this insightful. I wish you all the best in your journey of discovery.

Written by: Dativa Mugashe

Social media:

Instagram: real_datty

Instagram

The post January Favour ~ By Dativa Mugashe appeared first on Sheevolves.world.

FemaleHood

Being a woman is learning
how to exist loudly
in a world that prefers you quiet.

It is carrying questions in your body,
answers in your silence,
and still choosing softness.

It is remembering yourself
even when the world tries to name you first.

It is becoming,
every single day,
without permission.

– By AJ Pearl

aka Aisosa Joseph

Instagram: SheIsAJPearl

The post FemaleHood – By AJ Pearl appeared first on Sheevolves.world.

Poem By : Nonny Vee

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Mirror, Mirror. Who’s the prettiest of them all?
Not me. Certainly.

Look at all the beauties out there.
Surely, have you seen my crooked smile?
What about my pimples?
And what about my big ears?
Oh, how glad I am that you can only see my face.
For I hear my legs are manly, far from beautiful
Compared to how a woman’s should look.

Mirror, Mirror. Who’s the most creative of them all?
It surely can’t be me.

Do I sing better than those Divas?
I’m not sure I can even tie their shoes.
Could I possibly write better
than the outstanding poets out there?
My pen must not be sharp enough.

Mirror, Mirror. Godly Mirror, tell me:
Who am I? Tell me what You see?

Gladly, Mirror answers:
I am glad you finally asked.
You finally chose the right mirror.
It is not the flaws that I see;
I see beauty in the flaws
because I allowed them,
That I may fill them with my Light.

Poem By: Rasanganea Uwantege

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Have you ever felt alone in a crowd — with your family, friends, or even your partner?

If so, you’re not alone. That was me too. I often felt lonely, and no matter what I did, nothing seemed to cure my unique case of loneliness. I tried surrounding myself with friends, thinking their presence would fill the emptiness inside, but it never did. It felt as though no one truly understood me — and that hurt.

In my desperation, I began pushing away good friends, believing they weren’t meant for me since they couldn’t fill the void within. I even ruined some of their romantic relationships because I wanted all their time and attention focused on me. Being a girl who rarely socialized with other women, my guy friends suffered the most, and slowly, their girlfriends left one by one. Looking back, I feel guilty for how selfish I was.

So I decided to leave my friends alone and pursue a romantic relationship instead. Honestly, that wasn’t a good idea. Deep down, I knew I wasn’t ready. Relationships seemed tiring to me — I get bored of people easily, and truthfully, I wasn’t ready to carry anyone else’s baggage when mine was already heavy enough.

Still, one day, I chose a boyfriend from among the guys who were always trying to woo me. Being the beautiful and smart woman I am, I always had admirers —but none of them truly interested me. That day, I played a silly game: I flipped a coin to decide. And just like that, I then chose him. He was surprised that I, the headstrong girl he admired, agreed to date him so quickly — but he didn’t know the reason behind it.

The relationship lasted only a few months. He treated me with kindness and love, and to be honest, I can’t blame him for anything. He tried his best to love me in his own way. Yet somehow, it was never enough. The emptiness remained. The harder I tried to fill it, the emptier I felt.

I became a terrible girlfriend — and to this day, I feel embarrassed when I remember how I treated Cedrick, my boyfriend at the time. He deserved the best, but all I gave him was confusion and pain. Still, he loved me. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t working. So I decided to set him free because I was becoming toxic to a genuinely good man.

After that, I started reading books, listening to podcasts, and searching for ways to find happiness — to stop feeling so alone. That loneliness had stolen my freedom, my joy, and my peace. One day, I came across a book that said: “You are the love you seek. Everything you search for in others already exists within you.”

Those words hit me deeply. Out of desperation, I decided to try what it said — to simply sit with myself. Since then, I have tried to occupy my mind with something: endless scrolling on social media, talking to people I shouldn’t even have associated with, pleasing others just to be loved. I had been running from myself because I was afraid of what I might find. But since nothing else worked, I decided to face myself.

The first time I sat in silence, it was unbearable. Within seconds, I reached for my phone — I failed. The second time, I lasted two seconds longer. Slowly, day by day, I tried again. Some days I failed, other days I succeeded. But through those moments of sitting in silence, I began to hear my own voice — the one within.

That inner voice told me something beautiful: “You are enough. You are beautiful.” And I laughed, wondering why no one had ever told me that before.

In those quiet moments, I discovered my worth. I realized how intelligent I was, how capable, how talented. I learned that I could crochet, braid hair, and even just sit still without running from myself. I discovered hobbies that brought me joy. I began taking peaceful morning walks, feeling the fresh air brush against my lips — and in those moments, I felt alive.

Through solitude, I found happiness. I began to crave those moments alone — with no music, no podcasts, no noise, just me and my thoughts. The amount of creativity and peace that flowed through me was unimaginable. I came up with business ideas, reflected on my life, and saw how much I had grown.

Silence became my friend — my safe place, my peace, my home. And if you ever struggle to find yourself or feel lonely, I encourage you to try silence too. You’ll realize that sometimes, all you truly need is you — sitting quietly in your own little corner, doing what makes your soul feel
alive.

Story by: Merci Mpundu

The post In Solitude, I Found Myself~ By Merci Mpundu appeared first on Sheevolves.world.

I’m not a joke, I’m human too,
With feelings that are real and true,
I care and love, I feel and see,
And my emotions are a part of me.

Don’t reduce me to a jest or play,
I’m a person with feelings every day,
I have a heart that beats and loves,
And words that hurt can leave their doves.

It’s okay if you think like that,
But know that my feelings are where I am at,
I’m still a person, with hopes and fears,
And kindness can calm my tears.

I breathe and live, I laugh and cry,
I have a soul that’s sensitive and high,
I feel the pain, I feel the joy,
And my emotions are a part of my employ.

Don’t dismiss me, don’t make me small,
I’m a human being, with feelings that enthrall,
I have a voice, I have a heart,
And words of kindness can make us never part.
So let’s be kind, let’s be real,

Let’s treat each other with love and feel,
For we’re all humans, with hearts that ache,
And words of kindness can make us awake.

Let’s walk this path, with empathy and care,
Let’s lift each other, with love and share,
For we’re all in this, together as one,
And kindness can make our journey just begun.

It’s okay if you think like that,
But know that my feelings are where I am at,
I’m still a person, with hopes and dreams,
And kindness can make my heart beam.

By: Grace Banda

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