I grew up in conditions that sometimes meant worrying about whether or not I would find food on the table after school.  My mother always miraculously found a way to ensure that my siblings and I were always taken care of. However, being a single mother of seven dependents was really challenging for her. For some reason though, when I was younger, I did not fully understand just how hectic it was for her to encompass the role of a ‘supermom’. For me this role seemed doable and easy because she never really complained. But now that I am older, and living on my own, I am starting to understand the ‘supermom’ role and mentality my mother had when I was younger. 

I recently moved into my own space which is located in a different city from where I was raised – from where I was shielded in mother’s care. This big move has been rather interesting, and so far it has had several ups and downs. And to be honest, I wish someone had warned me or even prepared me for this big move. But please don’t get me wrong, moving into my own space has been one of the greatest things I have done of late. A privilege of some sort. Living in my own space has been liberating, and it has created opportunities for me to learn more about myself  – outside the shield of my mother’s care. 

 In a nutshell, here are a few learning curves i’ve had to deal with as a young adult living alone in one of South Africa’s big cities: 

• Financial discipline: Not that I have already acquired the ultimate skills and discipline in this regard, but what I know for sure is that having to pay bills on my own has taught me a lot about financial management and discipline. One of the ways I maintain this is by following a budget every month. Click here to read a full article on personal financial budgets

• Social cycles decrease: I have heard many people talk about how “as you grow older, you start losing friends”. Well, it’s true. Your WhatsApp gets dryer and homesick usually creeps in now and then. But, if you are an introvert like me, this should be the least of your problems

•  Extra vigilance: South Africa has the highest rates of gender based violence and is also generally known for having high crime levels. Therefore, living alone in the South can be rather scary. At least for me, it’s scary. Everyday we hear stories about young women with promising futures assaulted, raped, and even murdered. How does one not stay extra vigilant in a country like South Africa?  

•  Important decisions: The choices and decisions you make determines your growth. Staying alone pushes you to make critical day to day decision. This is because you are in charge of every aspect of your life – nobody is there to wake you up in the morning or to remind you about your daily tasks and responsibilities. 

This big move has contributed significantly towards my growth in all the different spheres of my life. It has also somehow helped me understand, embrace and appreciate the ‘supermom’ role my mother had when I was growing up. What I love most about this big move is the opportunity to learn and to grow. With every mistake and failure, triumphs and wins, one is able to use the collective experiences to gather more wisdom and to evolve into a better version of themselves.

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Heading off to college or university can be an exciting time for some students, while for others, it can be a nerve-wracking experience. Which is why it is so important to settle into your student accommodation as quickly and as effectively as possible. This will potentially assist to reduce any worry or discomfort that comes with moving away from home and staying in a new environment. Here are some practical tips to help you settling into your new student accommodation:

1. Pack only what you need: Packing can be a total nightmare, but unpacking can be even more stressful especially in a new environment. Bringing too much “stuff” may cause clutter especially because dorm rooms are naturally small. You may also find yourself accumulating new “stuff” while you are away for school. Essentially, I would suggest that you bring only what you need.
2. Get there early: This will help you familiarise yourself with your new living environment as well as the university and its surroundings. The earlier you adapt to your new living environment, the more prepared you are to handle every other challenge that comes with being a university student (hectic class schedules, tests, assignment deadlines, extracurricular activities, campus parties, boy drama… etc).
3. Be sociable: Don’t be afraid to say hello and introduce yourself to your neighbours or flatmates. It is important to know who you will be sharing your living space with. This will help you set your boundaries and it will also help you learn how to respect their boundaries. Knowing your neighbours or flatmates is also crucial for emergency purposes. But generally, being sociable is usually the genesis of all friendships. Therefore,  if you are looking to make new friends, you could potentially start with those that are already in your surroundings.
4. Make the space feel like home: Bring bedding and other home comforts to remind you of home. This will help you feel more comfortable, and to a certain extent, it may keep you motivated throughout the semester.
5. Stay in touch with family and friends: This is crucial! This will be especially comforting during times when you feel stressed or homesick.

I hope these tips are helpful, and I wish you all a great start to the new semester!

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Growing up in a township it pained my heart to see how parents degraded their children because their dreams were taking longer than they should to be fulfilled. Siblings turned against each other. Parents became enemies and aunts and uncles sometimes made comparisons. All because one of the children who has become financially independent and is seen as better than the one who is still at University or still trying to build him/herself up. Others are being reminded how old they are and where they should be in life. You find that these individuals are not just sitting around doing nothing. They are really trying but life isn’t giving them the chance.

When I was still a little girl my dream was to stay at my parents’ house until I got married. After I finished high school I decided to pursue a degree in business and management. Unfortunately, everything changed when my dream took longer than it should. Some of my friends got learner-ships immediately after high school and they got permanent posts at the end of it. Some got married and others became slay queens in the process and I was still just a university student .

As time passed by from one year to the next I started to feel as if I was becoming a burden to those I considered my pillars. Remember I am still at home, studying, no part-time job or anything so I had to ask for everything. On the other, I was not getting any younger, so some of the things were becoming uncomfortable to ask for. Furthermore things that are being said about me compared to my friends made me feel useless and I ended up doubting my decision of furthering my education.

I became bitter and ended up believing that my friends were better than me because they could do it all by themselves. I started to find ways to survive without being too dependent especially financially on my family. However, what I was making was not even enough to cover my transport fare which made me feel like I was moving around in a circle. 

Life is a journey and it is said that ‘the journey of thousand miles begins with one step’. I had to remind myself that choosing education over anything else is part of the journey that will benefit me in the long run. I considered moving out often but I knew I could not pay for rent. Patience and endurance was my only option. I had to endure all the negativity and pains of being degraded by those close to me to survive. I promised myself that there is no testimony without a test. This was my time to stay focused until things worked out..

For me staying home ended up hurting my relationship with my loved ones. But for someone else it may mean the opposite. What ever your choice, all that matters is that you are financially able to take care of yourself before moving out. Because whilst the idea of moving into your own place can sound nice. It also costs a lot. And making sure you are stable enough before making a decision is important.

Also if possible talk to your parents and family members often about where you are going. What you want to do and how long you anticipate it taking. This may help remind them that you do have a path and plan. And lastly find ways to contribute at home. This can mean doing chores or baby sitting younger siblings so that even if you are unable to financially contribute, you are bringing something to the family.  

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