Marriage Archives - Sheevolves.world https://sheevolves.world/category/marriage/ Community sharing stories & lives of African women Wed, 30 Jul 2025 20:26:37 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.9.4 https://sheevolves.world/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/cropped-She-Evolves-Logo-32x32.jpg Marriage Archives - Sheevolves.world https://sheevolves.world/category/marriage/ 32 32 The Spirit of Miscarriage~ By Nonny Vee https://sheevolves.world/2025/07/30/the-spirit-of-miscarriage-by-nonny-vee/ https://sheevolves.world/2025/07/30/the-spirit-of-miscarriage-by-nonny-vee/#respond Wed, 30 Jul 2025 06:30:55 +0000 https://sheevolves.world/?p=112565 The Pain of Miscarrying the seed you looked forward to seeing Miscarriage, you are a thief Miscarriage, you are cruel Miscarriage, you are a restless wanderer, searching for the warriors of this earth whom you can attack. I am talking about our mothers, our women, our birthers Miscarriage, you never consider, but do as you...

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The Pain of Miscarrying the seed you looked forward to seeing
Miscarriage, you are a thief
Miscarriage, you are cruel
Miscarriage, you are a restless wanderer, searching for the warriors of this earth whom you can attack.
I am talking about our mothers, our women, our birthers
Miscarriage, you never consider, but do as you please
I am enough of you.

It is our young mothers who have a choice to terminate if they want to.
It is our young child carriers who decide if they will keep or destroy the innocent seed, but little do they know the pain of losing,
Only if they knew how it feels when you, I mean, you Miscarriage when you arrive and destroy.
The tears, the pain, the sorrow, the fights.
Miscarriage, you are cruel.
Miscarriage, you are a restless wanderer, searching for the warriors of this earth whom you can attack.

Blessed is the womb.
Blessed is the woman.
Blessed is the process of giving birth.
I am talking about our mothers, our women, our birthers
Miscarriage, you never consider, but do as you please
I am enough of you.

Miscarriage, please take a step back.
Let go and let nature take its course
Let loose and allow people to multiply in numbers
Let go and stop the pain and tears dripping from our sisters and mothers of this country.
Let you be and allow joy and fresh souls around.
The Pain of Miscarrying the seed you looked forward to seeing
Miscarriage, you are a thief
Miscarriage, you are cruel
Miscarriage, you are a restless wanderer, searching for the warriors of this earth whom you can attack.

May the spirit of Miscarriage fade off!!!

 

By: Nonny Vee

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]]> https://sheevolves.world/2025/07/30/the-spirit-of-miscarriage-by-nonny-vee/feed/ 0 A Daughter’s Silent Pain: Growing Up in the Shadows of Cultural Expectations https://sheevolves.world/2025/02/14/a-daughters-silent-pain-growing-up-in-the-shadows-of-cultural-expectations/ https://sheevolves.world/2025/02/14/a-daughters-silent-pain-growing-up-in-the-shadows-of-cultural-expectations/#respond Fri, 14 Feb 2025 06:30:24 +0000 https://sheevolves.world/?p=111617 I was 12 when my world crumbled. It happened suddenly, without warning, like a storm that had been gathering silently in the distance. My father married a second wife, and my mother, his partner of so many years, found out about it the same way I did—when my father went to pay lobola. I will...

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I was 12 when my world crumbled. It happened suddenly, without warning, like a storm that had been gathering silently in the distance. My father married a second wife, and my mother, his partner of so many years, found out about it the same way I did—when my father went to pay lobola.

I will never forget that moment. I was playing with my cousins when one of them told me that our fathers were attending my father’s lobola ceremony for another wife. I couldn’t bear the thought of my jovial mother preparing a meal that morning for my father, unaware of what was happening. My mother was in the kitchen, humming softly as she prepared my father’s breakfast, when I delivered the worst news of her lifetime.

When my stepmother arrived, she was shy and barely looked up. But the pride on my father’s face told the entire story. He had taken another wife without telling my mother a single word about it. I watched as my mother’s world shattered in front of me. Her lips trembled, her hands shook, and I could see the life drain from her eyes. She didn’t scream or argue; she simply welcomed her with a plain smile. That night, I saw my mother cry as I had never seen her before—deep, heartbreaking sobs that echoed in my chest and left me feeling helpless and angry all at once.

The worst part was the blame. Relatives said it was her fault. They whispered that she had “failed” as a wife because she had only given birth to daughters. I overheard my aunts mocking her openly: “What kind of woman can’t give her husband a son?” “Kuzvara majekanhembe”—those words were cruel, cutting deeper than anyone realised. My mother had always been kind and hard-working, pouring her heart into our family, but none of that seemed to matter now.

She wasn’t just betrayed by her husband; she was abandoned by the very community that should have supported her. My father carried on with his new wife, while my mother was left to bear the weight of the shame they thrust upon her. Day by day, I watched her spirit fade.

And yet, she endured—for me and my sisters. She held her head high even when it was clear she was breaking inside. I became her silent witness, the one who saw her cry in the dark and the one who held her hand when the pain became overwhelming. I was just a child, but in those moments, I sure vowed to be strong for her and to fight for her dignity, even when the world refused to.

Looking back now, that experience shaped me in ways I am only beginning to understand. It taught me about injustice, the impossible burdens women carry, and resilience. My mother’s quiet strength gave me the courage to find my voice. Today, I fight for women and girls who feel unseen and unheard, who are forced to endure pain and blame for things they cannot control.

My mother didn’t deserve what happened to her. No woman does. While the scars of that time will never fully heal, I carry her strength with me. Her pain fuels my purpose, reminding me every day that we must challenge the systems and cultures that allow this to happen. To every girl or woman who has ever felt invisible or unworthy, please know this: you are enough. You have always been enough. And your voice matters, even when the  world tries to silence you.

Written by Priscilla Mafa

Facebook: Priscilla Mafa

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]]> https://sheevolves.world/2025/02/14/a-daughters-silent-pain-growing-up-in-the-shadows-of-cultural-expectations/feed/ 0 The Lost Child Innocence https://sheevolves.world/2024/12/18/the-lost-child-innocence/ https://sheevolves.world/2024/12/18/the-lost-child-innocence/#respond Wed, 18 Dec 2024 06:30:52 +0000 https://sheevolves.world/?p=111491   During my secondary school vacation, I met a guy who worked at a nearby church. He would often glance at me when he passed by our home, and I found myself wondering if he was interested in me. I started making an effort to be outside whenever he walked by, and eventually, he came...

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During my secondary school vacation, I met a guy who worked at a nearby church. He would often glance at me when he passed by our home, and I found myself wondering if he was interested in me. I started making an effort to be outside whenever he walked by, and eventually, he came to our home and confessed his feelings for me. I was thrilled and accepted him without hesitation.

As we spent more time together, he became a regular visitor to our home. One day, after I had lost my stepmother, he came to comfort me. Our auntie had just taken over as the new head of the house since I had lost both my dad and mum. There were fewer rules to follow at home. So, Brian came to my bedroom, and… well, you can guess what might have happened. Brian convinced me to lose my virginity, and he made a vow that, since he had taken my virginity, he would be my husband.

But did I marry Brian? You’ll find out later.

As I reflect on that moment, I realize how naive I was. As a Christian, I had learned in church that sex was only supposed to be with a husband. That’s why I was hesitant to accept Brian. However, Brian insisted, telling me that if I loved him, I had to show it. I loved Brian, but I also valued my virginity. It was a treasure that I wanted to give my husband.

I was torn, unsure of what to do, and scared. What if I gave Brian my virginity and he rejected me, like Ken, my first crush? So, in the intensity of the moment, I made a quick decision. To solidify our relationship, I compelled Brian to make a vow that, since he had taken my virginity, he would be my future husband. I didn’t realize the gravity of that decision at the time. Not at all.

Looking back, I see how that moment changed me. It was a turning point in my life, one that I didn’t fully understand at the time. I thought I was in love, but I was really just trying to fill a void. I was seeking validation in all the wrong places. The truth is, Brian took advantage of me. He didn’t marry me, even after taking my virginity.

Despite the mistakes I made, I am grateful for that experience. It taught me a valuable lesson about the importance of self-reflection and self-awareness. It taught me to be more mindful of my actions and to consider the consequences of my decisions. It taught me about the quick vows we make in intense moments like that. Such moments are not good for making serious life commitments or vows.

How could a naive girl like me make such a vow when I hardly knew anything about marriage? Growing up, I didn’t see any happy marriages around me. So, what was I even vowing to?

And young girls, listen to me: we don’t keep a man by having sex with him. We don’t prove our
love to men by sleeping with them. A man who asks you to do that is just taking advantage of you. Those are the kind of men who use and dump girls. A man will do anything to “eat your cookie,” even if it means promising to marry you. So, don’t fall for that marriage proposal lie. There is more to a relationship than the question, “Will you marry me?”

I see girls posting their flashy proposals on Facebook and Instagram. Not that I’m against them doing so, but I always wonder: Did that man tick all your boxes before you said yes? Do your homework before that proposal. Take time to know the man from A to Z. Ask those tough, probing questions before you step foot in the middle of his bed.

I will speak more about these tough questions in my later writings. But I stress this as I close: sex does not keep a man, sex is not proof of love, and don’t fall for vows some men use to trap us. A man can promise heaven on earth, but if he doesn’t qualify, don’t settle.

By Rita Mukisa
#MotherAfricaEchoes
+256 773807806

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