Written by: Admin_SheEvo
During my secondary school vacation, I met a guy who worked at a nearby church. He would often glance at me when he passed by our home, and I found myself wondering if he was interested in me. I started making an effort to be outside whenever he walked by, and eventually, he came to our home and confessed his feelings for me. I was thrilled and accepted him without hesitation.
As we spent more time together, he became a regular visitor to our home. One day, after I had lost my stepmother, he came to comfort me. Our auntie had just taken over as the new head of the house since I had lost both my dad and mum. There were fewer rules to follow at home. So, Brian came to my bedroom, and… well, you can guess what might have happened. Brian convinced me to lose my virginity, and he made a vow that, since he had taken my virginity, he would be my husband.
But did I marry Brian? You’ll find out later.
As I reflect on that moment, I realize how naive I was. As a Christian, I had learned in church that sex was only supposed to be with a husband. That’s why I was hesitant to accept Brian. However, Brian insisted, telling me that if I loved him, I had to show it. I loved Brian, but I also valued my virginity. It was a treasure that I wanted to give my husband.
I was torn, unsure of what to do, and scared. What if I gave Brian my virginity and he rejected me, like Ken, my first crush? So, in the intensity of the moment, I made a quick decision. To solidify our relationship, I compelled Brian to make a vow that, since he had taken my virginity, he would be my future husband. I didn’t realize the gravity of that decision at the time. Not at all.
Looking back, I see how that moment changed me. It was a turning point in my life, one that I didn’t fully understand at the time. I thought I was in love, but I was really just trying to fill a void. I was seeking validation in all the wrong places. The truth is, Brian took advantage of me. He didn’t marry me, even after taking my virginity.
Despite the mistakes I made, I am grateful for that experience. It taught me a valuable lesson about the importance of self-reflection and self-awareness. It taught me to be more mindful of my actions and to consider the consequences of my decisions. It taught me about the quick vows we make in intense moments like that. Such moments are not good for making serious life commitments or vows.
How could a naive girl like me make such a vow when I hardly knew anything about marriage? Growing up, I didn’t see any happy marriages around me. So, what was I even vowing to?
And young girls, listen to me: we don’t keep a man by having sex with him. We don’t prove our
love to men by sleeping with them. A man who asks you to do that is just taking advantage of you. Those are the kind of men who use and dump girls. A man will do anything to “eat your cookie,” even if it means promising to marry you. So, don’t fall for that marriage proposal lie. There is more to a relationship than the question, “Will you marry me?”
I see girls posting their flashy proposals on Facebook and Instagram. Not that I’m against them doing so, but I always wonder: Did that man tick all your boxes before you said yes? Do your homework before that proposal. Take time to know the man from A to Z. Ask those tough, probing questions before you step foot in the middle of his bed.
I will speak more about these tough questions in my later writings. But I stress this as I close: sex does not keep a man, sex is not proof of love, and don’t fall for vows some men use to trap us. A man can promise heaven on earth, but if he doesn’t qualify, don’t settle.
By Rita Mukisa
#MotherAfricaEchoes
+256 773807806
