Written by: Admin_SheEvo
Have you ever felt alone in a crowd — with your family, friends, or even your partner?
If so, you’re not alone. That was me too. I often felt lonely, and no matter what I did, nothing seemed to cure my unique case of loneliness. I tried surrounding myself with friends, thinking their presence would fill the emptiness inside, but it never did. It felt as though no one truly understood me — and that hurt.
In my desperation, I began pushing away good friends, believing they weren’t meant for me since they couldn’t fill the void within. I even ruined some of their romantic relationships because I wanted all their time and attention focused on me. Being a girl who rarely socialized with other women, my guy friends suffered the most, and slowly, their girlfriends left one by one. Looking back, I feel guilty for how selfish I was.
So I decided to leave my friends alone and pursue a romantic relationship instead. Honestly, that wasn’t a good idea. Deep down, I knew I wasn’t ready. Relationships seemed tiring to me — I get bored of people easily, and truthfully, I wasn’t ready to carry anyone else’s baggage when mine was already heavy enough.
Still, one day, I chose a boyfriend from among the guys who were always trying to woo me. Being the beautiful and smart woman I am, I always had admirers —but none of them truly interested me. That day, I played a silly game: I flipped a coin to decide. And just like that, I then chose him. He was surprised that I, the headstrong girl he admired, agreed to date him so quickly — but he didn’t know the reason behind it.
The relationship lasted only a few months. He treated me with kindness and love, and to be honest, I can’t blame him for anything. He tried his best to love me in his own way. Yet somehow, it was never enough. The emptiness remained. The harder I tried to fill it, the emptier I felt.
I became a terrible girlfriend — and to this day, I feel embarrassed when I remember how I treated Cedrick, my boyfriend at the time. He deserved the best, but all I gave him was confusion and pain. Still, he loved me. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t working. So I decided to set him free because I was becoming toxic to a genuinely good man.
After that, I started reading books, listening to podcasts, and searching for ways to find happiness — to stop feeling so alone. That loneliness had stolen my freedom, my joy, and my peace. One day, I came across a book that said: “You are the love you seek. Everything you search for in others already exists within you.”
Those words hit me deeply. Out of desperation, I decided to try what it said — to simply sit with myself. Since then, I have tried to occupy my mind with something: endless scrolling on social media, talking to people I shouldn’t even have associated with, pleasing others just to be loved. I had been running from myself because I was afraid of what I might find. But since nothing else worked, I decided to face myself.
The first time I sat in silence, it was unbearable. Within seconds, I reached for my phone — I failed. The second time, I lasted two seconds longer. Slowly, day by day, I tried again. Some days I failed, other days I succeeded. But through those moments of sitting in silence, I began to hear my own voice — the one within.
That inner voice told me something beautiful: “You are enough. You are beautiful.” And I laughed, wondering why no one had ever told me that before.
In those quiet moments, I discovered my worth. I realized how intelligent I was, how capable, how talented. I learned that I could crochet, braid hair, and even just sit still without running from myself. I discovered hobbies that brought me joy. I began taking peaceful morning walks, feeling the fresh air brush against my lips — and in those moments, I felt alive.
Through solitude, I found happiness. I began to crave those moments alone — with no music, no podcasts, no noise, just me and my thoughts. The amount of creativity and peace that flowed through me was unimaginable. I came up with business ideas, reflected on my life, and saw how much I had grown.
Silence became my friend — my safe place, my peace, my home. And if you ever struggle to find yourself or feel lonely, I encourage you to try silence too. You’ll realize that sometimes, all you truly need is you — sitting quietly in your own little corner, doing what makes your soul feel
alive.
Story by: Merci Mpundu
