Growing up in a township it pained my heart to see how parents degraded their children because their dreams were taking longer than they should to be fulfilled. Siblings turned against each other. Parents became enemies and aunts and uncles sometimes made comparisons. All because one of the children who has become financially independent and is seen as better than the one who is still at University or still trying to build him/herself up. Others are being reminded how old they are and where they should be in life. You find that these individuals are not just sitting around doing nothing. They are really trying but life isn’t giving them the chance.

When I was still a little girl my dream was to stay at my parents’ house until I got married. After I finished high school I decided to pursue a degree in business and management. Unfortunately, everything changed when my dream took longer than it should. Some of my friends got learner-ships immediately after high school and they got permanent posts at the end of it. Some got married and others became slay queens in the process and I was still just a university student .

As time passed by from one year to the next I started to feel as if I was becoming a burden to those I considered my pillars. Remember I am still at home, studying, no part-time job or anything so I had to ask for everything. On the other, I was not getting any younger, so some of the things were becoming uncomfortable to ask for. Furthermore things that are being said about me compared to my friends made me feel useless and I ended up doubting my decision of furthering my education.

I became bitter and ended up believing that my friends were better than me because they could do it all by themselves. I started to find ways to survive without being too dependent especially financially on my family. However, what I was making was not even enough to cover my transport fare which made me feel like I was moving around in a circle. 

Life is a journey and it is said that ‘the journey of thousand miles begins with one step’. I had to remind myself that choosing education over anything else is part of the journey that will benefit me in the long run. I considered moving out often but I knew I could not pay for rent. Patience and endurance was my only option. I had to endure all the negativity and pains of being degraded by those close to me to survive. I promised myself that there is no testimony without a test. This was my time to stay focused until things worked out..

For me staying home ended up hurting my relationship with my loved ones. But for someone else it may mean the opposite. What ever your choice, all that matters is that you are financially able to take care of yourself before moving out. Because whilst the idea of moving into your own place can sound nice. It also costs a lot. And making sure you are stable enough before making a decision is important.

Also if possible talk to your parents and family members often about where you are going. What you want to do and how long you anticipate it taking. This may help remind them that you do have a path and plan. And lastly find ways to contribute at home. This can mean doing chores or baby sitting younger siblings so that even if you are unable to financially contribute, you are bringing something to the family.  

October 13, 2020

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