Like it or not, friendships are not without their difficulties and obstacles. Like any relationship, friendships are built on trust and a common understanding and maybe even a certain level of expectation. Which is why telling a friend the truth about something can be tricky. Especially when that truth is not pretty. I know I have struggled in the past with being honest with friends and it took some trial and error to get it right. But if there is one thing I have learnt over the years it is that some truth is better than no truth. And that most times, the truth finds its way out anyways.

And I know all too well that I would rather hear something difficult from a friend than a stranger. So how do you go about telling your friend something difficult. Like maybe you saw their spouse cheating, or that you are dating their ex. Or maybe the truth you want to share is that you got the promotion at work they wanted.  What ever it is there are always three things to keep in mind when wanting to share the truth with a loved one, and especially a friend.

  1. Timing: Whilst timing is everything, this does not mean putting off telling the truth for another day or week. Instead,  Decide within a week that when you are alone, and not confronted with any big life changes or drama (on both your ends) you will tell them the truth.
  2. Be gentle: If there is one thing I often like to think about it is how I would like to hear difficult news. Often it is with some kindness. Even if those news or that truth are difficult to hear. Because if someone comes at you in a way that feels like an attack. The natural thing to do is to become defensive and even blame them for the situation instead of hearing them out.
  3. Face to face: I still remember a former friend telling me some difficult things over text. Whilst this was surely easier for her. It made it worse for me who was on the receiving end. In part because I was left with my own thoughts. But also because it is so much easier to write things you don’t mean than it is to say them. The whole situation got blown out of proportion on both ends and now sadly that friendship is done. So whilst it may be hard, face to face is always best.

 

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