Written by: Admin_SheEvo
Once you make any big life decision like starting a family, coming out about your sexuality or even changing jobs unexpectedly. People sometimes think you are some sort of expert. At least that has been the case for me since having a child. Somehow all my friends who are having or have considered having a child come to me with questions about timing etc. And while I get why they may assume that I am an expert. The truth is I am not. How, why and when my husband and I had a child was not so much planned as it sort of happened.
Whilst we had already spoken about starting a family before we stopped using protection and contraceptives. We did also think that it would take longer than it actually did. It is still a running joke among our friends because we actually fell pregnant after the first try. Whilst the news were exciting, it was also scary. In part because Doctor’s and friends who had kids told us it would take a couple of months or even years before we fell pregnant. So to say we were taken aback when after one month I fell pregnant, is an understatement. None the less, we went with the flow and now we are proud parents to a 15 month old.
Whilst the journey has not been easy. It has been worthwhile for us. In part because even though we did have a child during a global pandemic. Both of us were employed, and had a home of our our own. Two things that were important for us in order to start a family. However these things are not in any way a bench mark that will work for everyone. Which is why when faced with the question, “when did you know it was the right time to have a baby”, my answer is always the same. There is no right time. But there is a time that is right for YOU, whatever that means. It might mean when your parents are retired and can help more with the baby. Or when you are happy in your relationship.
It may even be after you leave a job because you want to focus on parenting. What ever it is it is important to know that one persons right time is another persons bad timing. So think about you want. Not what is expected of you. Or what your friends are doing. Parenting is hard work and takes A LOT of energy. Ensuring you and your partner are prepared for that matters more than anything else. From then on it is also just a matter of luck and some sort of divine intervention. This is because whilst some people take years to fall pregnant, others like myself, fall pregnant after the first try.
So talk to your partner. Or if you are considering having a child on your own have a sit down and figure out what structures and situations are important to you to have in place BEFORE having a child. Once you have that figured out go ahead and start the process of conceiving. But always, always, always have room in your mind for things to not go exactly as planned. This is after all the cornerstone of parenting that you will learn time and time again. And also try to remember that not EVERYONE has to have a child. So when looking into your life plans etc and children or. child does not fit in or make sense for you. Know that that too is important and valid.