Written by: Admin_SheEvo
A lot of the time, I worried, “What if all my hard work is for nothing?” Being worried about these things made me feel heavy. I would question my choices and ask myself, “Should I think again about this?” It might be best to wait another year. “I’ll be better prepared, have more power, and my words will mean something.” This mental conversation kept going over and over.
The way I was raised taught me to be very obedient and follow rules. I held myself and others to high standards and was quick to point out when people strayed from the road that was supposed to be taken. “Why does he not follow the rules?” “Doesn’t he see the neat line forming for the service?” When someone tried to mess with the order, these ideas ran through my head. For myself and the people around me, trying to be perfect became impossible.
I remember a time when I was a child and didn’t understand noise or silly behaviour. The things my friends did would make me mad, and sometimes I’d cry or get headaches. The person had a hard time keeping their cool.
People often said nice things about my way of life, and I’d wonder, “What’s so special about me?” as they said they wanted to copy it.
As a kid, I wanted to be happy more than anything else, but I often couldn’t find it. When life didn’t go according to my carefully thought-out plans, I felt very let down. Unfortunately, my shyness kept me from talking about how I felt, asking for help, or finding comfort in other people. I helped and supported the people around me, but I didn’t have a safe place to deal with my own problems.
Others thought I was strong, sure of myself, nice, warm, and reliable. But deep down, I was weak, scared, cold, in pain, and had doubts about my own abilities. Giving help to people in need made me happy at first, but over time I started to feel envious and wanted someone to do the same for me. Not being able to trust anyone made me want to talk to someone.
As time went on, I lost interest in the things I loved most, like drawing and singing. I stayed away from other people because I was afraid that what I did would hurt them or that they would hurt me. This separation that I put on myself made things worse.
During this time of confusion, I met a woman who said the exact words I had been looking for. It happened right after I gave a speech to a room full of people who were so focused that they could hear every step I took. This woman went up to me and asked about my schoolwork. As I talked, she looked into my eyes and said something that moved me deeply.
“You’re one of the brightest young women I’ve ever met,” she said. “I could tell you were stressed because your voice was tense, your hands were shaking, and you were sweating on your forehead, but you kept going.” It makes me think of myself when I was your age, which makes me very pleased. To be a strong person for others, remember that you need to strengthen yourself first. You can’t fix everything in the world, but if you have inner strength, you can fix a lot of it.
That’s the advice I needed at that time, and I think everyone should take it to heart. Life doesn’t always give us what we want, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t any gifts out there. Some people say that “expectations are the root of disappointment.” What would happen if we all learned to accept that failures are normal and necessary for life?
Let’s all be happy with what we have and invest in our lives more so as to fill up the gaps in the others.
Written by Dativa Mugashe,