My name is Merci, and this is my story

Written by: Admin_SheEvo

Loving and being loved have always been my wishes, influenced by the idealized portrayals in movies. In nursery school, there was a girl named Tasha. She was undeniably pretty, and our classmates would compete to sit next to her. In contrast, no one wanted to sit with me, even though everyone said I was pretty, too.

Throughout primary school, my peers received love letters, but I never did. I consoled myself with the thought that perhaps high school would be different since that’s when my sister got her first boyfriend. However, in secondary school, while boys would ask girls to talk to them after class, no one ever approached me. Instead, I was always the messenger, delivering notes between boys and other girls. None of those notes were ever for me, and no boy showed any interest in talking to me, let alone dating me. I felt invisible to boys unless they needed me to deliver messages to other girls.

I wasn’t ugly. In fact, I was sometimes considered one of the beauties in my class, but that was as far as it went. My looks seemed to have no purpose, and it was frustrating. I finished high school without any romantic attention. The first boy who showed interest in me became my first boyfriend, not because I liked him but because I feared I wouldn’t get another chance. He treated me poorly, but I felt I had no choice but to stay with him.

In university, I eventually broke up with him when he found someone better. This left me heartbroken and feeling utterly unwanted. It pained me to see my friends in relationships, especially with boys I had crushes on, while I had no one. My nights are lonely, with everyone else out with their boyfriends, leaving me alone with my books. This loneliness drives me to fantasize about relationships I will never have.

I desperately wish for someone to approach me, regardless of their looks or personality. I would do anything to keep them, as I am tired of being alone.

Written by: Merci Mpundu