Written by: Admin_SheEvo
My name is Chanel Barker. An ambitious 35-year-old white women who was born and bred in the United States but relocated to South Africa age 14 after my parents divorced. My parent’s divorce hit me hard and till this very moment, it’s been hard to keep up with the feeling.
I completed grade 12 and went to tertiary TVET college to do short certificate courses and with the grace of God landed a job which is where I met my then husband at. I fell pregnant in my first year in college, took a gap year and went back the following year. My course was only 18 months so to catch up was impossible, so I had to start all over again. The father of my child left us when the child turned 2 years, never seen till today though I know his still alive and leaving his best life because we shared mutual friends on social media and with the current posts, I’m able to track him of rather catch up. After graduation, I never went back to stay with my mom as she was with my stepdad, and I’ve always resented him being around all because he was the reason we left the United States. Divorce was tough for mama but her meet up with this guy and following him for his future endeavors in South Africa was her quickest escape from the reality.
I moved to the CBD, made new friends and quickly got a decent job. My ex-husband and I dated for 7 years, year 8 he paid Lobola, well yes, his an African and forced to do his culture and customs to respect his ancestors though my background doesn’t do any of all the ceremonies we had, truth be told “my mama was just happy for money” and cared less on what had to partake. For the sake of my partner’s comfort and a proper welcome from the family, I agreed.
Soon after my wedding, my dad flew back to the states and my mom is still around though she stays a distance from me. My husband has a child as well, together we now have 2 kids which it was a family of 6 including the kids we brought into the marriage. The starting of the marriage was nice and new, but it got deep and real with time. He failed to treat my child same as his own. I observed the treatment for some time, he tried to hide it but was too obvious. I’d say the start of our ending was at that very moment when I concluded that his failing to love my child like his own. I sent my child to stay with my mother, hoping the visits will make it better and he’ll grow to it, but it never helped instead, for my child to visit was my initiative and he never pretended to even care about it. I got to a point where I got enough and my love for his child also dropped yet surprisingly, he would command me to do stuff for his child and even go beyond though the mom is still alive and would take the child for weekend visits yet still I’m expecting to do all the run around.
My marital issues began then, and I could not work on my love for him knowing I have chosen to be at this house and play family where my child is not welcomed or rather appreciated. Cheating also took place which added on how I felt about him, but I was already pregnant with our 2nd child, leaving seemed not to be an option. My baby grew up and I got a promotion, started a side business “growing and reselling vegetables “which it is doing too well. That’s when I got my power back, I had a nerve to call it quits. Yes, I chose to leave my marriage and be with my 3 kids, 2 of his and the one I came with to the marriage. The thought of having all my kids in 1 roof gave me comfort.
I am now a booming business owner, have a small land rented with 2 employees who are ensuring the wellness and growth of my vegetables goes according to plan and successfully. I did not lose much from the divorce, but I gained the most precious commodity, which is my power, my motherhood. I could have not been any proud of myself than now as a striving girl who had a very tough upbringing but made a name to herself but more than anything, being able to be a mother to my kids supersedes everything else.
I come from divorced parents and become a divorced parent to my kids! Indeed, life is a cycle.
