Written by: Admin_SheEvo
My name is Karabo. I’m originally from Mokopane, but I’m now living in Soweto. I dated two guys before I “came out”. I was shy because of the way other lesbians were being treated in the township where I grew up. It was hard, but I’ve realised that that’s not me. Why should I do something that I don’t feel comfortable doing? I was tired of pleasing the whole world. I decided I can’t do this anymore. I have to be me. I have to come out. I love girls.
There’s something about them. Girls are so soft, and I feel safe with them. Guys are so, ugh.
Coming out to my family was OK. I have never sat down and spoken about it with my Mum. But the clothes that she buys for me, I can see that she understands. I ask her how I look. Wearing pants and all that and posing like a guy, she smiles and says, ‘Fantastic!’ It’s what I want. With my siblings, I told them how I felt and how tired I was of being someone that I’m not. My sister said, I have known you forever, so I knew I would someday hear something like that. And with my brother, it was like, come on, you’re always wearing my clothes.
I come from an area where it’s something of a norm for lesbians to be there. But I don’t dress like a girl and don’t want to look like a girl. It’s much more complicated for us because our dress code, habits, and behaviour expose us. There are a lot of hate crimes, and I don’t feel safe anywhere. You can find a group of guys you have been chilling with since you were kids; you go to taverns together and play soccer together. And then, just one day, this guy turns on you, and he rapes you. Just because he wants to correct you.
So now I stay in an environment where, in my hood, especially on the street where I live, the older ladies are much more accepting of me. Some will call me, “My son, how are you doing?” and I’m like “Ok”. And another would ask, “Where’s the bride? When are you getting married?”
But then, some people act like they’re cool, but they’re not. When I go to my aunt’s place, I don’t know anybody there, and I stay in the house the whole time because I don’t feel it’s safe. If I want fun, in a jivey way, I buy the booze and everything I need, go back home, invite a few friends, lock the doors and have fun in the house. I can’t just go to a party where nobody knows me. I’m a girl, and at the end of the day, I have to protect myself.
I guess that people think that if I am like this, I am a man. I’m not saying that I’m a man. I don’t care if they get offended…. but this is me. I want people to appreciate this person. I’m not a lesbian because I hate men. I am a lesbian because it is who I am.
